09.23.16

my firstborn, my miracle, my first love.

I have been feeling in a rut lately. I have been a little sad lately. I have been remembering things lately. I'm not sure what has come over me, but I'm fighting with myself and the feelings.
it's so hard to explain, my heart, my emotions.
but in the last couple of weeks, I have been remembering. I remember who I used to be, what I used to look like. I remember what my life was. and I cant help but smile as I look back. I smile at the life I live.
it's incredible to think of what I've been through and what I have. when I think about it, I realize.. I have it all!
through these thoughts of the past, I have been looking at old pictures of my first baby. my firstborn, the one who made me a mom. and when I look at those pictures, I cry. it's a happy cry, but also a sad cry.

time. like I've said once before, it's a bully. and I'm missing those times when Noah was the only thing I had. Noah was my fist-mate. he was my best friend. he showed me joy everyday. Noah didn't see my past, my faults, my mistakes. he saw my heart. and in my heart, was love. love for a little human that I never thought existed. a kind of love that can heal, inspire.. the kind of love that I want forever.
as I look back and remember us, it was love. love that inspired me to be the women he would someday be proud of. a women of purpose. a mom to a king.

I wrote Noah once again another letter. (I express myself better through writing, just ask Brandon.) I want to share this letter with you all. not just to share, but with the purpose that hopefully, us moms, will stop time once in a while. so that we can see, and see without the veil of our daily life, routines and schedules.

we are so very blessed! to have created life within us. and after 9 months, to hold that someone in your arms that sees you, and sees love. its a miracle. don't let time rob you of what once was, is, and is yet to come. but be in the moment, every time. because it will only last a second, and it will soon become a memory. the time is now. the time is present. and the time is perfect.
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To the One Who Made Me A Mom,

I cried a lot when I was pregnant with you. I was unsure I was fit to be your mom. I was scared I wouldn't be enough. But I was also excited, excited that God would trust me with his creation. He picked me, and I'm honored. I thought about you everyday. I thought of what you would look like and what your future might hold, and I prayed for you every day while you were in my belly. And although I was still uncertain of things, God told me, "He is not just for you, but he is coming to be light to others." I then knew, there is a king coming. And he is within me. You have a great purpose. Therefore, every believer fulfills the prophetic, priestly, and kingly roles for which our Savior has been anointed. In a sense, we are all prophets called to proclaim God’s Word, priests ordained to offer ourselves as sacrifices, and kings enthroned to war against the Lord’s enemies and help expand His kingdom. (Matt 28:18–20; Rom 12:1–2; Rev 17:1–14).

The day you came into the world was the day that changed my life forever. You made me a mom. It wasn’t all butterflies and roses at first. It took me a while to fully understand what had taken place. It was the biggest, most life altering event I had ever experienced. But oh how lucky I am to have experienced something so great, something so great that I never even knew existed. Something I never even knew I needed. That’s the thing about God. He always gives us what we need. It’s not about wants. What a miraculous gift giver He is. I am humbled to be your mama, and I’ve prayed for you and over you every day since the day you were born.

My little love, I have loved every moment with you, but it has been painful and exciting to see the time pass and to see you grow into the beautiful person you’re meant to be. Painful because I want to freeze time and memorize your speech, your tiny fingers, and tiny toes. I want to remember your funny faces, your laugh, and your love for life. Painful because I want the moments of you crying out for me to last forever but painful because never do I wish to see you hurt. Painful because I know this time is too precious. I want time to slow down so that we can hold on to these cherished days forever. But it’s also been exciting, too. Exciting to see you roll over, sit up, then stand. Exciting to see you talk, walk, then run. Exciting to see you go off to school and make friends. Exciting to see you eat ice cream and love baseball with dad. Exciting to see you want to read and learn and play and love. I pray for your future and I pray for God to give me the strength I need to let you go and grow.

It won’t be just the two of us (or the four of us counting daddy and Sky) like it has been for very much longer. But I want you to know something. God knew I needed you first to help mold me into the mommy I always needed to be. You did that. From the sleepless nights you gave me when you were just an infant to the times I couldn’t take my eyes off of you when you finally closed your eyes. From the time when I first heard your little laugh to the time when we were both meeting dad for the first times. From the time when you were inconsolable and I had no idea what I was doing to the time when only mommy could make it all better. I have loved you deeper than the depths of the ocean. I have prayed more than I ever even knew how to pray. You did that.

Being a mom to you has been the greatest joy of my life. Know that I will love you forever, be there for you always, and always hold onto you with all my might. There might be times when I can’t physically hold you but know that Jesus can.

No matter how our world changes, you will always be my first. We’ll love another together, and we’ll grow together, and I’m excited to see what the future holds. You’ll grow up one day, and I’ll have to let you go spread your wings just like God always intended. Until then, I hope the days slow down a bit, but if they don’t, I’ll never forget that you were the one who made me a mommy.


I love you with all my heart and soul,

Mommy
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because I am remembering Noah as a young buck, I have gathered my all time favorite pictures of him for you. many of you may of not even known us this far back, but let me tell you.. he was as charming then as he is now.

>

SIX
well that was the fastest 182 days of my life. it feels like it was just yesterday that Brandon was running red lights
at 2am trying to get me to the hospital. here we are, an entire half a year later gone by.
the end of her first summer.
the start to being independent.
the anticipation of her first Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I still cant wrap my head around the idea that she is ours. she is perfect. and she is 6 months.
her smile on the daily makes our lives that much more sweeter. her glistering eyes and her little voice trying to tell us about her day. her perfectly round cheeks, chubby feet and luscious hair, all wrapped up in a sweet little package.
I can't keep up. time's a bully.

remember what she looked like 26 weeks ago?
just a wee little babe.


Skylar at SIX months
Weight: 16lbs 8oz (62nd percentile)
Birth: 7 lbs 3 oz
Height: 25.5in (41th percentile)
Birth: 19 in

she's growing like a weed.. her baby thighs are thinning out a teensy bit, but oh thank heavens for her cheeks. THOSE CHEEKS are out of control. she is in serious growing mode.

on the move and constantly having something to see. she cannot sit still, even if her life depended on it. if we leave her on the floor and walk away, she will turn completely around and freak us out. although she's not crawling yet, she is movin! the personality spewing from this little girls face and demeanor is absolutely hilarious and kinda frightening. terrifying actually. her need to see everything is quite hilarious! she will be in the middle of nursing, and she will turn her head as far as it will go while still attached, just to see what brother is up to. she will even let go for a minute or two to catch up on what everyone is doing now then go back about her business.

Skylar Elizabeth
continues to be the most beautiful girl on the planet.
her personality is the definition of joy.
she loves her big brother more than words can say.
the light up of her face when I say "good morning" is outrageously cute.
she's a doll.

E A T
she LOVES her some food
carrots, sweet potato, banana cereal, yogurt bites, banana cookies, apple juice, ice cream, you name it!
she's even had some of my mashed potatoes, and she was very interested.
as for her eating habits, I really don't deprive her of much. as long as its not a hazard or unhealthy, I'm willing to try it. I know all the books have a rule chart as to what she can and cannot have, well we tossed that a long time ago. she is healthy and growing like a champ. so she gets to try it all.

angel face can blow up a diaper.
man, she's a trained expert.
and it always happens for dad.
we could be loading up to go to church and she'll let it rip.
or about to put her in the car seat and it's all over the place.
she is so kind, she will drop a present anytime, anywhere. she's thoughtful like that.

her laugh is absolutely contagious.
her smile is super uplifting.
puts perfection to shame with her ridiculous amount of hair.
and her eyes are the most beautiful in town.

S K Y L A R

my sweetest girl. you are growing way too quick for me.
I remember those last couple of months of pregnancy, anxiously awaiting your arrival and constantly daydreaming about who you would be. what you would look like, your personality, smile and if you would have blonde hair. I couldn't wait to finally hold you in my arms. I couldn't imagine how it would feel to be a momma of 2 ..and now that you are part of our lives and I know your every laugh, every cry and every smile you give me, we couldn't imagine life without you.
this month you have truly blossomed.
you are your own. you have a personality that sparks. your a superstar these days.. when you notice us and make eye contact, we don't even have to make a funny face or even say a word, you give us a big 'ol grin and make our hearts skip a beat. you are independent, loving and smart. not to mention nosey, or we can say curious and mischievous. our days have become much busier and more active lately as we spend our days exploring everything. I can't have anything within arms reach without you grabbing, swatting, or slapping at it. oh my stars little girl, you impress me every single day. for me to say that you are just amazing is an understatement. always happy, always smiling, but never seeking attention. you are to yourself, totally content playing in your own little world of toys and anything else you can get your hands into.
you are definitely one of a kind. there is absolutely no one like you.
I am so smitten with you Sky baby.

happy half birthday to you little dollie