The day our life was changed forever by an angel. This is how it went.
Leading up to my due date, I had been getting Braxton Hicks contractions often, but nothing I couldn't handle. I could go on with my day as normal at work and at home. So we went to our scheduled appointments per usual. Although I felt like this baby was huge and running out of space, everything was going well within. I seriously believed I was going to have a 9 pounder. Considering Brandon's size. This pregnancy kicked my butt. My pregnancy with Noah was a breeze and I enjoyed, so I thought this would be a walk in the park just like the first time.
So fast forward to our 37 week apt. Here we are in the waiting room hoping I was dilated at least a bit so we could get this show on the road. I was so ready to have his baby. My doctor observed everything and said it was going great but did not check my dilation until I asked him to. As he was checking, he just looked at Brandon and I with somewhat of a smirk on his face. After a long pause that felt like 20 mins, but was really like 6 secs, he said, your 4cm. What! I was expecting to be maybe like 1 or 2. Not four. (My water broke with Noah while I was 3cm.) Dr. Daconi said, you'll surely have this baby by Saturday, it was Wednesday. We were so excited to finally meet her we didn't know what to do. We just stared at each other. As soon as we got out of the office, we called everyone.
We arranged for me to get my mani-pedi that same day. I had black gel on, and I refused to give birth to a baby girl with black nails. Priorities right. Lol. Lisa was going to get packed and be on her way down as well as Sarah, which was going to be our photographer. I mean, she could come at any minute. We skipped church that night and got out bags packed and in the car. Everything was ready for her. I stayed home from work after a false alarm on Thursday night. We were just waiting for her anxiously.
Well we waited, and waited and waited. Nothing. She was not coming. Sunday rolled around and no baby. Sarah had to go back to Alb for work on Monday. And I decided I was going to go back to work on Monday as well. Monday passed, and here I was trying everything to get this baby out. Yoga ball, pulling weeds on my knees, walking, you name it. I felt great though, not at all like I was in labor.
I went to bed Monday night just like any other night after a nice shower at about 11pm. Well 1am rolls around and I was in and out of sleep, dreaming weird things until bam! Contraction. And I mean, it was a real one. The pain wasn't letting me go back to sleep and I knew, this is it. I still tried going back to sleep. I was so tired from the day before and I like my sleep. But that wasn't happening. I had to breathe through them. I woke Brandon up calmly and told him to shower if he wanted, because it was time. I didn't even worry about timing these ones, I knew this was it. I called my mom and let her know, my dad was going to come over and stay with Noah at our house. We woke Lisa up and we all started getting ready to the sound of me breathing heavily getting through each one. Brandon and I got in the car and it was straight to the hospital, no time for red lights or stop signs.
I was kinda sad I wasn't able to say goodbye to Noah, my only child. To this day I still feel like crying thinking about how he wouldn't be an only child anymore. All kinds of thoughts went through my head like, will he love her, will he be jealous, will he know that I still love him as I always have. I had wrote Noah a letter at a time I was having a variety of emotions.
This is it..
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You will always be my baby. My firstborn. My first love. My best friend. The long days spent just you and I will hold a special spot in my heart forever. It seems as if for the longest time, it was just you and I, partners. I know you won't remember them, but I will. And I'll try my best to remind you of them as much as possible. And although your just 3 years old now, I feel like I’ve known you forever and there was no me, before you.
My darling boy, my son, my little sidekick, we are about to expand our family by one more heartbeat. One more little body taking up residence in my arms and on my lap and in my heart. I want you to know that my love for you will never ever change. What we have is something special, something sweet and something only we can share. No one can ever replace our bond.
This letter is for you, to let you know how deep my love reaches—it is infinite, my sweet boy. Every fiber of my being loves your little soul. And it is about to love you even more. And soon, you and I will both have another to love as well.
But this letter is for me, too. As I fight with these feelings of growing our family and pray that you never feel unloved or ignored or jealous. For you are oh-so-loved and I will try my best to never let you feel anything else. And I'm trying to convince myself of all of this, just as I'm trying to convince you of it. Because it is all true. I'm not sure how I have the capacity to love another little being with as much passion and depth as I love you, but I've heard from everyone that I do. That capacity is there, and it is immeasurable. My love will not shift to another, it will simply, no, magnificently, expand. I remember a night you spent the night at wela & welo’s house, I stood in the shower weeping, trying to understand life and how much it was about to change. I was convinced that I couldn’t love anyone as much as I Love You. It simply wasn’t possible to me then. All I knew was that I had such a love for you that I myself couldn’t even understand. I would do anything, anything humanly and inhumanly possible for you.
Every fiber of my being loves your little soul. And it is about to love you even more. And soon, you and I will both have another to love as well. And I know we can do it. I know we will do it. You'll be the best big brother to this sweet angel baby. You'll love her fervently and with everything you have. Because you are mine, and that is what you do best, my son. And I cannot wait to share your love.
I'm scared and I'm anxious, and I'm ready. And what's more, I believe that you are too.
We checked in and my mom and Lisa arrived. They took me up to triage and that didn't last long, they put me in a room right away. Brandon changed me into my BabyBeMine gownie and I was all set. I obviously couldn't bend over so Brandon was my mobility. As soon as I changed we basically speed walked to the room before I got another contraction. I guess it was more like waddle running.
Everything from here on out just went by so fast for me. We had arrived at the hospital like around 2:30ish. Checking in with Noah also happened around this time. These babies like to come in the middle of the night. They got me all set up, I signed papers, got an IV, and just tried to relax in between contractions. This is where Brandon really was my hero. He was sitting next to me tracking my contractions. He let me know when one was coming, when it was at its peak and when it was coming back down. Knowing all that made it so much easier for me. He held my hand and was very attentive for whatever I needed. It was College Basketball season so I requested to watch the Final Four Tournament on the TV. I was pretty relaxed and happy until they started getting really real really fast. In and out I just prayed and took control of my body. I knew that this didn't have to hurt the way people make it out to be, I knew that I could do it and I knew what my body was capable of. I prayed that my body would work the way God had designed it to. I prayed He would keep my baby girl safe. I prayed this would be a beautiful experience for Brandon. I prayed Noah would love her with all his heart. I prayed and I prayed, because after all, God is our Father and He knows all things. I waited and got though each one as best I could. As I was periodically checked I was progressing fast and it was getting closer and closer. I didn't make an epidural an option as I knew I could have my baby on my own, and I had done it once before with Noah. When I was 9cm dilated I decided to ask for something to help take off the edge. I was so tired from not getting really any sleep that night and it was close to 5am now. Brandon and I got maybe 2 hours of sleep that night. Now to think of it, I didn't need any pain killers but I was so exhausted I needed to relax just one bit. After that I was actually dosing off in between contractions. My mom changed my gum periodically and Brandon held me and told me I was doing great. Lisa was taking pictures and video which I'm so grateful for. I had a great team. It was awesome.
After maybe just half an hour of trying to relax Dr. Daconi came in to check my dilation. I was just falling asleep and I had to get up and get ready. He checked and I was now 10cm, and told me it was time to push. I thought, "Come on, now? I was just starting to fall asleep." I really felt like saying come back in 15 so I can get a little nap in. It was time though. So here comes everyone in with all the "stuff" getting prepped. The time has come. I was ready. As soon as I started pushing, oh my, I had forgotten. I had forgotten how much this hurts. The so called ring of fire, yeah, it was on fire all right! My body was in pain, but all I could think about was my baby girl. The angel that Brandon and I had created. The angel that God himself had formed. I honestly don't know how much times I pushed. I know it wasn't a crazy amount though. It was about as long as it was with Noah. But I do remember them saying, oh my, look at all that hair! (Standard practice now-a-days when they see her.) My mom kept saying, you need to help her, come one, you can do it. And let me tell you, that was so motivating. And just like that, she was here. Into this new place where she will live temporarily.
They were right, all that hair! They put her on my chest and we requested they leave the cord attached until it stopped beating. I pushed for 7 mins according to the very surprised nurse and she was here. We just stared. She is ours. She is perfect. The noise she made, it was like a song. How could something so beautiful be ours? How good is God! I was so overwhelmed with joy. And as I looked up at Brandon, I thought, This is perfect. This is love.
Skylar Elizabeth Spears was born at 6:38 am.
She weighed 7lbs 3oz and measured 19" long.
Skylar is such a joy and fits into our family perfectly. We are so thankful to God for such a blessing.
And we are honored to share this story with you.
