baby 3

Birth Story | Lucas Wayne

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

It’s been 6 months since Lucas joined our team.
I hate to wait so long to write our birth story because everything is not fresh in my mind,
but all things considered, here we go.

I just knew it this time around that baby was going to be joining us earlier than planned. My D-Day was Aug 3rd, we were in early July and I felt as if he could come any day. Everything was different about this pregnancy than I had experienced, so it was all up in the air. No certainty and no control, both very difficult for me.

We went to our regular OB visit to find that I was 3cm dilated at 36 weeks. Doc, you said what? The excitement was building up and we couldn’t wait to meet him. And I mean seriously couldn’t wait. I wanted him in my arms, I didn’t want to wait another day. Being that with our both other kids I went from 3cm to 10cm in less than a week, we called the troops! Momma and Sarah drove down the same day and my mum was just waiting for the signal.

It seems like forever went by but the pre labor pains were real. I struggled with patience and Brandon had to reign me in a few times because it was still too early. We wanted for the baby to wait until 37 weeks to avoid the NICU but I was also ready for my body to start acting normal. (Yea right!) I was a mess and only Brandon could talk me down. My doctor, whom is just AWESOME, kept bringing up induction but you know, I’m me and, um, NO! So all that was left to do was wait.
Every day I woke up, I felt defeated because I'd slept through the night, no baby, no nothing. Saturday morning came around and the same ‘ol feeling. Something had to give right? I was 37 weeks and 3 days and it felt as if he was just going to slip right on out any second. We sat around, played with the kids and I tried to nap in the midst of it all. I was so uncomfortable and what I thought where “Braxton Hicks,” where so bad I cried silently, because again, you know me, I try to be tough.

I sprawled out on the recliner, and timed contractions as they came and Brandon catered to me hand and foot as he kept his eye on each contraction. Momma prepared lunch and I had a feeling it would be the last thing I ate before it all got real. One and then another, slow and steady. I remembered childbirth and the pain that came with it and it was not the same this time. Something was not the same. I felt like someone had put something like the size of a pipe through me. My back had never endured so much pain. EVER!
Lucky me, it was back labor.

Brandon texted our doctor and luckily he was ready for us. We’re so blessed with the relationship we have with him, he gave us his number to call or text anytime. I know they don’t do that with anybody. I mean, for goodness sakes, Brandon went golfing with him. He’s so great and I love that he delivered all 3 of my babies.
Then there was a prayer that my best girl Dani sent before it all got wack. I'm so grateful for her!

Brandon walked me to the bedroom and everyone started to move so fast. Momma was staying with the kids and Sarah was coming along for the ride. Brandon alerted my mum and she, I’m sure, drove way too fast to the hospital to meet us. I tried to fix myself up and even contemplated makeup, but as each one came and went, all I could think about was the pain, and not wanting to let my babies see me like that. I mean y’all, I was getting loud and that’s not me.

Brandon is a rock star and got the remaining things in the car after changing me and basically walking me everywhere. He didn’t forget one thing, besides his wedding band. Of all things. My daddy later brought it to the hospital. Here we go, to the other side of town while I’m basically screaming and about to break the handle on my car from the death grip I had on that thing. Brandon said later he never thought he would ever see me like that and he knew this wasn’t normal. I tolerate pain very well and I was losing it. I was acting like a complete maniac. We ran through red lights and never came to a stop. Thank God for opening the way.

My mum took a look at me and it was like her heart sink into her belly. She’s my rock. She keeps me steady. She encourages me with assurance that I have the strength and my body will do what God created it to do. No better words than hers guided by the Holy Spirit. As we went through the check in, a lady had the audacity to tell me I had to breathe and calm down. What lady? I’m not a noob and you’ve got to be kidding right now. She wasn’t a nurse or anything, just a lady sitting in the ER waiting room. My mum dealt with that real quick and down the hall we went. Brandon at my side holding my hand and my team following close behind. It was like in the movies. Pregnant women screaming rolling down the halls. I could’ve killed someone that delayed me getting into a room at this point.
No time for urine samples or gowns or nothing! As soon as I got on that bed, I could not make it to a calm state. The pain in my back felt like my body was being torn to shreds. Nurses were trying to get vitals and people all around were trying to help me breathe, but in that moment of complete disaster, I focused on Brandon’s voice. He was so calmly standing at my head praying with such love. The kind of love that makes life and is unrelenting peace. He assured me everything was going to be ok and reminded me of the promises of God that we had read in “Supernatural Childbirth.” Promises that were for me.
I asked for a birthing ball because I wanted to try to stay out of the bed as much as I could to relieve the pain. We got into our room and I immediately asked for something to take off the edge. I have always waited as long as I possibly could to get anything, but this was no joke, unreal! This was more than I could even fathom. I started to doubt that I could do this thing naturally. After only a few minutes on the ball, I had to get back in the bed so they could check my dilation. I was making big progress physically, but not mentally. I was stuck on the pain. I felt like I could pass out at any moment, and although I was a wreck, the baby was doing just fine.
Brandon was being so supportive and encouraging me every waking second but I could not get to the place I wanted to be. He held my hand and stroke my hair as he monitored my contractions and told me when each one was near over. I don’t know what made me so anxious that I told him to STOP. I have never raised my voice at him, and this was probably the meanest thing I’ve ever done to him. I was not in a good place and I was frustrated with the fact that I couldn’t have a calm, quiet birth like the ones I had experienced. I was mad at myself because I knew I held the power in my mind to get through this. But yet I couldn’t. I told Brandon “I can’t do it.” He looked me in the eye and said, “Baby your body has done this already, God created your body perfect. Yes you can. You can do this.”
I looked up at the hospital room ceiling and closed my eyes. I asked God to forgive me and give me peace. I knew I had failed Him and failed myself. I couldn’t stand the fact that I was holding on to this pain when I knew it wasn’t mine to endure. I asked that He would bring this sweet child into the world quickly and healthy. I’ve done it all twice before, so my body knew what to do and was not afraid.
Dr D came in the room and checked me again. And just like that, he said it was time to push! I was so relieved, but also not looking forward to the pain that was about to come. Going from a 10 pain level to a 100 wasn’t something to look forward to obviously, but I would have my baby boy in my arms soon. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It all went so fast from here. I don’t even remember the setup happening or preparing to push. It was just like one second jumped right after the other. One, it was time to prepare for pushing this baby out and the next, “give me a push.” No in between for setup or instructions to go around. I started the push, Brandon at my left holding my leg and my mum at my right. As I pushed, I felt a splash of something fly throughout the room and everyone move around. I hadn’t finished that push when the contraction was getting to more than I could bare. I started to turn my body to the left to endure the pain when the Dr yelled, “No, Vanessa don’t stop. Keep pushing!” Still in the same push I felt his head pop right out and let me tell you, it was like I had gained the power of a million warriors. I finished my push with all the strength I had in me and he dove all the way out. It was the craziest sensation. His head popping and his body following rapidly. I looked at Brandon and the look of shock on his face brought me back to Earth. Lucas was here. He giggled at what had just happened. Wow. How did I even do that? One push!
Dr D laid him on my belly as he peed all over me being born maybe only 6 seconds ago. Brandon moved my bed up and I took a look at what love had created. He was so perfect! Without flaw. His eyes so small and his grip so strong. He wasn't shy and let out a high pitched cry a couple seconds after being born, a sound I will remember forever. Looking up at Brandon’s tear filled eyes, I felt so connected to him as we had just experienced a miracle. Our little baby boy, finally in our arms.

Born 07.15.2017 at 7:02pm
6lbs 10oz
20in long
It seemed to go by so quick to me. I was in labor with Noah and Sky 6 hours each time, which I know is fast, but I just couldn’t keep up with time this go. We arrived at the hospital at about 5:45 and he came at 7:02. Under 2 hours? What a record! I guess I had done most of the labor at home, but even then, I started fully contracting at about 4pm. It blew my mind. What I fear most of childbirth is “the ring of fire.” I didn’t even have time to feel it this time. It was so quick that the sensation never came. Thank goodness! At least I got to skip that part.

Per usual, I tore pretty badly. For the third time, Dr D stitched me up after delivering the placenta and all I could think about was seeing that baby boy. Although I had already delivered the baby, pain was still present, but somehow, it’s like it wasn't. I think for me, it’s the adrenaline that fades the pain of needles and all that still going on, but most of all, I’m just distracted. The pain doesn’t matter anymore. It’s the least of my concern when I have just become a momma again and another heart has joined our sweet family. I was all cleaned up and put together by about 7:30pm.
Noah and my dad had arrived right at the end of it all since Noah had a hard time with the way we left home. It really was something special to have him back with us so soon after Lucas came. He got to experience it all so fresh. He explored the baby with us and accepted him from the start. It was truly beautiful.
I remember clear as day the emotions going through me later that evening. I sat in the hospital bed with Lucas in my arms, my mom was at my side and I looked up at her and said. “I’m really happy.” I felt a peace I had never felt before. I had a certainty that God held my life in his hands. He knew my deepest desires and He had just gave them to me. The family that He promised me since I was a tiny girl had just come to pass. I felt so light and alive. It’s so hard to explain. I saw a picture in my head of the future which I’d like to keep private for myself and it was paradise. It was everything! How could something so perfect be possible? I look back and think I got a glimpse of heaven in that moment. It was so tangible and so real.
We are complete.
We believe this is us.
Unless Our Father says otherwise, we are the Spears 5.

*Thank you to my sis in law Sarah for capturing this miracle.
I can relive it forever.

birth story

Birth Story | Noah Abram

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

a mother might give birth to a child, but before that a child gives birth to a mother.

this was it, I was a mother. and I couldn't believe how my world was about to change. so soon and before I "thought" my time would come, God had given me such a blessing in being a mother. it obviously was not "my plan" to become a mother at 19 years old, but He assured me He would stand by me and carry me through.
I had no idea what to expect during pregnancy but all in all, looking back, I was blessed with such a great and healthy pregnancy. and I absolutely did not know what to expect during labor. I heard stories that made my skin crawl and honestly frightened me for that moment to come. I had to make a decision, weather I would let the stories effect my delivery or would I take control and make this the most beautiful experience of my life?

February 2nd, 2013
I woke up to what felt like really bad period cramps at 3:20am. I had already downloaded the contraction tracker app on my phone so I started timing. I wanted to make sure this was for real before I woke anyone up at that fine time of night. after a few contractions I called my mom and very calmly told her to come to my room. she laid with me for a few minutes before I told her, "this hurts a lot, I'm pretty sure this is it." luckily I had everything packed and ready to go, so I rested while she woke my sister up and took a quick shower.
when she came back into the room, she helped me out of bed and I felt a gush as soon as I stood on my feet. there it was, the famous water break. I thought I would at least feel something pop, but I didn't feel a thing besides liquid running down my pajama pants. shoot! the feeling of peeing your pants is what it felt like to me. warm and gross.
so now I needed a shower and in between contractions, was perfectly capable of even shaving my legs and washing my hair. I remember telling my sister through the shower curtain, don't get pregnant, this hurts!

I didn't do makeup and threw my hair up in a top knot and we were off. the car ride was so uncomfortable and bumpy. I had a fit to throw with the hospital with the speed bumps in the emergency room entrance. how could they do something like that to a pregnant women in labor? it was painful!
as soon as we arrived, at about 5:30 I was taken into L&D in a wheel chair. they didn't even check my contractions or dilation before they emitted me to a room. my water had broken, so they obviously weren't going to turn me away. and I think my face told it all. from here on out, we just waited. I was 4cm dilated and 90% effaced. I was progressing quickly and smoothly. within the hour I was up to 6cm and 8cm in the next. I didn't have a plan of weather I was taking an epidural or not, I literally had no idea what to expect and just decided to wait and see. I was doing pretty good considering the excruciating pain. my mom encouraged my breathing and held my hand the whole time, assuring me I was doing great. they offered the epidural very lightly as if it was Tylenol and I seriously thought about it. I knew I could do it without the steroids and turned that option away. they did come back after a few minutes, I think when they realized I wasn't budging, and offered something to take the edge off, Fentanyl. I accepted that one and it did exactly what they said it would do. it definitely didn't take away all the pain and it was very short lasting. but it gave me a little relief and some time to regain energy before it was time to push.
after a few dosages of the Fentanyl, they said my midwife had arrived and she was getting ready to come in to check on me. "No, I don't want her, what are my other options?" *I had experienced terrible pain when she checked me for dilation in the office weeks before. she was very insensitive to the pain and basically told me to "deal with it." when I arrived to the hospital and was checked by one of the nurses, I felt not a thing! I mentioned to the nurse that when my midwife checked me, it was very painful that I shook uncontrollably for about 15 mins after and bled all day. she assured me it wasn't supposed to hurt. I just thought it worked this way before she told me that. so I refused to have her deliver my baby.
the nurse said there was a new Dr in that could deliver and I accepted. I hadn't even heard of the guy, but I wasn't letting that careless women near me. when he walked in, and spoke to me about what was going to happen and asked me how I was doing, I immediately felt peace. he was so kind and concerned about my progress.
who knew this was going to be the man I would choose to deliver all of my children.

after just being in the hospital for about 4 hours, the nurse told me we were going to do some practice pushing as she pushed on something down there. I still have no idea what she was doing, but I firmly mentioned, "I need to keep pushing." she called in another nurse and quickly told her to call the Dr, "this baby is coming now." it was like a ambush all of a sudden. there were people running in with carts, getting gloves on and masks being passed around. the Dr barely had time to roll his sleeves up before I told them "I'm pushing!" they didn't even have time to let some of the guests out that were in the room. awkward!
he very calmly instructed me and we were in it. the time was here, that quickly. I closed my eyes and listened to the nurse count as I pushed with everything within me. literally, everything. the doctor told me to push as if I was pooping. I know, gross, but that's the reality of it. I've since then have forgotten the level of pain I was in, but I tried as much as I could to keep my cool. I'm not really into all the yelling and grunting, so I just kept it all in as used it to my advantage of pushing. I remember letting on scream out as I began to feel the "ring of fire." geeze, that was where it really got real. I felt as my babies head crowned and came halfway out. his head was halfway out while I took another breathe and pushed again. I could see everybody around me encouraging me and cheering me on, but didn't hear one thing. it was like when you mute the TV. after about 3 pushes, he, very painfully, slipped right out and he plopped him right on my chest.

here he was, the promise my God had for me. in my arms, slimy and greasy. and perfect! he was absolutely perfect! he had a head full of hair and a calm about him. he squeaked here and there, but was very calm, even with all those hands on him.
after not even a minute of analyzing him, they changed him to the warmer where they tried getting some more noise out of him. he was still just a bit purple, so they gave him a few puffs of oxygen to encourage him. once the nurse touched him head, he became very vocal and I could not believe that beautiful noise.
the sound of heaven on earth.

still in some pain, I looked over at him and couldn't believe he was mine.
seven pounds eleven ounces
in between delivering the placenta and getting stitched up from the tearing, I couldn't help but stare at him. I wanted to hold him so badly. all I remember is feeling the desire to calm him, and attend to his cries. I wanted to feel his skin and kiss his head. he was the desire of my heart, he was suddenly everything that mattered.
the Dr was so kind when caring for me. he made sure I wasn't in any discomfort as he stitched me. I am, to this day, so happy I made the decision to ask for the Dr. he made the delivery so pleasant and stress free. he was very down to earth as he commented on the music playing in the background. he made conversation with everybody while still making sure I didn't feel any pain.
I will never forget his words, "this is the most beautiful delivery experience I've ever had."
my firstborn, my son.
my everything.

birth story

Birth Story | Skylar Elizabeth

Friday, June 10, 2016

March 15, 2016

The day our life was changed forever by an angel. This is how it went.

Leading up to my due date, I had been getting Braxton Hicks contractions often, but nothing I couldn't handle. I could go on with my day as normal at work and at home. So we went to our scheduled appointments per usual. Although I felt like this baby was huge and running out of space, everything was going well within. I seriously believed I was going to have a 9 pounder. Considering Brandon's size. This pregnancy kicked my butt. My pregnancy with Noah was a breeze and I enjoyed, so I thought this would be a walk in the park just like the first time.

So fast forward to our 37 week apt. Here we are in the waiting room hoping I was dilated at least a bit so we could get this show on the road. I was so ready to have his baby. My doctor observed everything and said it was going great but did not check my dilation until I asked him to. As he was checking, he just looked at Brandon and I with somewhat of a smirk on his face. After a long pause that felt like 20 mins, but was really like 6 secs, he said, your 4cm. What! I was expecting to be maybe like 1 or 2. Not four. (My water broke with Noah while I was 3cm.) Dr. Daconi said, you'll surely have this baby by Saturday, it was Wednesday. We were so excited to finally meet her we didn't know what to do. We just stared at each other. As soon as we got out of the office, we called everyone.

We arranged for me to get my mani-pedi that same day. I had black gel on, and I refused to give birth to a baby girl with black nails. Priorities right. Lol. Lisa was going to get packed and be on her way down as well as Sarah, which was going to be our photographer. I mean, she could come at any minute. We skipped church that night and got out bags packed and in the car. Everything was ready for her. I stayed home from work after a false alarm on Thursday night. We were just waiting for her anxiously.

Well we waited, and waited and waited. Nothing. She was not coming. Sunday rolled around and no baby. Sarah had to go back to Alb for work on Monday. And I decided I was going to go back to work on Monday as well. Monday passed, and here I was trying everything to get this baby out. Yoga ball, pulling weeds on my knees, walking, you name it. I felt great though, not at all like I was in labor.

I went to bed Monday night just like any other night after a nice shower at about 11pm. Well 1am rolls around and I was in and out of sleep, dreaming weird things until bam! Contraction. And I mean, it was a real one. The pain wasn't letting me go back to sleep and I knew, this is it. I still tried going back to sleep. I was so tired from the day before and I like my sleep. But that wasn't happening. I had to breathe through them. I woke Brandon up calmly and told him to shower if he wanted, because it was time. I didn't even worry about timing these ones, I knew this was it. I called my mom and let her know, my dad was going to come over and stay with Noah at our house. We woke Lisa up and we all started getting ready to the sound of me breathing heavily getting through each one. Brandon and I got in the car and it was straight to the hospital, no time for red lights or stop signs.

I was kinda sad I wasn't able to say goodbye to Noah, my only child. To this day I still feel like crying thinking about how he wouldn't be an only child anymore. All kinds of thoughts went through my head like, will he love her, will he be jealous, will he know that I still love him as I always have. I had wrote Noah a letter at a time I was having a variety of emotions.
This is it..

___________________________________________________________
My Dear Noah,

You will always be my baby. My firstborn. My first love. My best friend. The long days spent just you and I will hold a special spot in my heart forever. It seems as if for the longest time, it was just you and I, partners. I know you won't remember them, but I will. And I'll try my best to remind you of them as much as possible. And although your just 3 years old now, I feel like I’ve known you forever and there was no me, before you.

My darling boy, my son, my little sidekick, we are about to expand our family by one more heartbeat. One more little body taking up residence in my arms and on my lap and in my heart. I want you to know that my love for you will never ever change. What we have is something special, something sweet and something only we can share. No one can ever replace our bond.

This letter is for you, to let you know how deep my love reaches—it is infinite, my sweet boy. Every fiber of my being loves your little soul. And it is about to love you even more. And soon, you and I will both have another to love as well.

But this letter is for me, too. As I fight with these feelings of growing our family and pray that you never feel unloved or ignored or jealous. For you are oh-so-loved and I will try my best to never let you feel anything else. And I'm trying to convince myself of all of this, just as I'm trying to convince you of it. Because it is all true. I'm not sure how I have the capacity to love another little being with as much passion and depth as I love you, but I've heard from everyone that I do. That capacity is there, and it is immeasurable. My love will not shift to another, it will simply, no, magnificently, expand. I remember a night you spent the night at wela & welo’s house, I stood in the shower weeping, trying to understand life and how much it was about to change. I was convinced that I couldn’t love anyone as much as I Love You. It simply wasn’t possible to me then. All I knew was that I had such a love for you that I myself couldn’t even understand. I would do anything, anything humanly and inhumanly possible for you.

Every fiber of my being loves your little soul. And it is about to love you even more. And soon, you and I will both have another to love as well. And I know we can do it. I know we will do it. You'll be the best big brother to this sweet angel baby. You'll love her fervently and with everything you have. Because you are mine, and that is what you do best, my son. And I cannot wait to share your love.

I'm scared and I'm anxious, and I'm ready. And what's more, I believe that you are too.
___________________________________________________________

We checked in and my mom and Lisa arrived. They took me up to triage and that didn't last long, they put me in a room right away. Brandon changed me into my BabyBeMine gownie and I was all set. I obviously couldn't bend over so Brandon was my mobility. As soon as I changed we basically speed walked to the room before I got another contraction. I guess it was more like waddle running.


Everything from here on out just went by so fast for me. We had arrived at the hospital like around 2:30ish. Checking in with Noah also happened around this time. These babies like to come in the middle of the night. They got me all set up, I signed papers, got an IV, and just tried to relax in between contractions. This is where Brandon really was my hero. He was sitting next to me tracking my contractions. He let me know when one was coming, when it was at its peak and when it was coming back down. Knowing all that made it so much easier for me. He held my hand and was very attentive for whatever I needed. It was College Basketball season so I requested to watch the Final Four Tournament on the TV. I was pretty relaxed and happy until they started getting really real really fast. In and out I just prayed and took control of my body. I knew that this didn't have to hurt the way people make it out to be, I knew that I could do it and I knew what my body was capable of. I prayed that my body would work the way God had designed it to. I prayed He would keep my baby girl safe. I prayed this would be a beautiful experience for Brandon. I prayed Noah would love her with all his heart. I prayed and I prayed, because after all, God is our Father and He knows all things. I waited and got though each one as best I could. As I was periodically checked I was progressing fast and it was getting closer and closer. I didn't make an epidural an option as I knew I could have my baby on my own, and I had done it once before with Noah. When I was 9cm dilated I decided to ask for something to help take off the edge. I was so tired from not getting really any sleep that night and it was close to 5am now. Brandon and I got maybe 2 hours of sleep that night. Now to think of it, I didn't need any pain killers but I was so exhausted I needed to relax just one bit. After that I was actually dosing off in between contractions. My mom changed my gum periodically and Brandon held me and told me I was doing great. Lisa was taking pictures and video which I'm so grateful for. I had a great team. It was awesome.


After maybe just half an hour of trying to relax Dr. Daconi came in to check my dilation. I was just falling asleep and I had to get up and get ready. He checked and I was now 10cm, and told me it was time to push. I thought, "Come on, now? I was just starting to fall asleep." I really felt like saying come back in 15 so I can get a little nap in. It was time though. So here comes everyone in with all the "stuff" getting prepped. The time has come. I was ready. As soon as I started pushing, oh my, I had forgotten. I had forgotten how much this hurts. The so called ring of fire, yeah, it was on fire all right! My body was in pain, but all I could think about was my baby girl. The angel that Brandon and I had created. The angel that God himself had formed. I honestly don't know how much times I pushed. I know it wasn't a crazy amount though. It was about as long as it was with Noah. But I do remember them saying, oh my, look at all that hair! (Standard practice now-a-days when they see her.) My mom kept saying, you need to help her, come one, you can do it. And let me tell you, that was so motivating. And just like that, she was here. Into this new place where she will live temporarily.


They were right, all that hair! They put her on my chest and we requested they leave the cord attached until it stopped beating. I pushed for 7 mins according to the very surprised nurse and she was here. We just stared. She is ours. She is perfect. The noise she made, it was like a song. How could something so beautiful be ours? How good is God! I was so overwhelmed with joy. And as I looked up at Brandon, I thought, This is perfect. This is love.
Skylar Elizabeth Spears was born at 6:38 am.
She weighed 7lbs 3oz and measured 19" long.


Skylar is such a joy and fits into our family perfectly. We are so thankful to God for such a blessing.
And we are honored to share this story with you.