God

my struggle with migraines during pregnancy

Friday, February 24, 2017

*This is a new kind of post for me but if even one person that is struggling with something similar comes across this post and it helps them, I have done my duty of sharing a testimony that changed my life through faith. I am healed in Jesus name, and that's the answer to all of this, in case you were looking for any other way, you will not find it here.

I am pregnant with our 3rd child due in early August. my first pregnancy felt like a breeze, my second was tougher but not as tough as what I have been going through this time around. besides other sickness like strep, back pain, colds, etc. migraines were a huge part of my daily life. not a day went by that I did not have at least one migraine, some days two. and I occasionally went several days with the same migraine (3 days being the worst).
the pain had gotten to the point of blurring my vision, feeling faint, loss of appetite, jaw/muscle pain along with pain in my teeth. I had never felt a pain like this one. remember I've had two kids naturally without pain killers and some days, I swear the pain was greater than child birth. the pressure in my head was so much my ears also hurt a lot. I wasn't getting any sleep and was in constant weariness. I didn't enjoy life anymore, I hated going to work or anywhere else for that matter. I didn't have the energy or mood to play with my kids, I didn't ever stop being kind to my husband, but I know I wasn't giving him what he needed of me. he had taken all responsibility of our household. the kids, the cleaning, the cooking, everything. I came home everyday and was either in bed or on the couch all night. the pain had basically taken over my life.

*before I get into the rest, a little background. I had to grow up at 13 years old, because of something too long to explain in this post. my siblings and I had to raise ourselves at such a young age. and that set the president for the rest of my life, until now of course. I had learned to carry weight on my shoulders, I learned to be tough and "handle it" with what ever came my way. I don't express emotion very well as I had learned to bottle it up and get on with life because I had to be strong. being a single mom for some time only tacked on this weight I had to carry. I had to raise my child and be strong no matter what I felt. there was no time for crying or feeling sorry for myself, I thought. life is tough, so I had to be as well. I felt like I had to rub some dirt on it and deal with it. I only relied on myself for the longest time. "I would be fine."

this random particular morning, I had already been having symptoms as I was taking the kids to daycare. my head was feeling pressure and my jaw was hurting a bit along with my teeth. while driving, I prayed for God to take away the pain. I actually felt I was sincere and it came from my heart. *I've always had a relationship with God, but for some reason, if it was about my health, I would take it upon myself. when I arrived to work, it had only gotten worst. it was to the point that I couldn't open my mouth big enough to take a bite out of a banana. I immediately texted Brandon that I would be taking a pill after I had breakfast. I was eating an oatmeal and couldn't take it any longer. I took the pill in the middle of eating and hoped for the best. after a few more bites of that, nausea came in and I threw up. TMI, I know, but I'm being real here. I tasted the medicine and was sure the pill had gone along with the oatmeal. I was on edge about taking another pill but I was desperate. I had no idea what to do. and I always know what to do.

I knew I needed some good in my day as all I had gotten was bad, so I clicked on my Elevation App and started my daily class. not even 8 minutes in, God brought a vision to me. it was of the time I was away from my parents. he showed me the pain I had gone through for so long, and how he was always at my side. He never left me, but was with me.
in that moment, I immediately broke, and I felt my heart fall to my stomach. I had the ugly crying face. I took my phone and my headphones and locked myself in the bathroom. I fell to my knees and begged for forgiveness. this was my prayer..

"I'm so sorry God. I know you are with me and who am I to think I am the one to determine weather you love or listen to me at all. you have never forsaken me and I know you wont do it now. I need you, I cannot do this without you. you are everything, how could I have forgotten? please help me. I need you. your grace is enough, your love is enough. I know that."

I cried, and I cried. a gut cry. He broke me. and I needed to be broken. I had taken all the weight upon my shoulders. I had believed I had to do it all. and I just had to tough it out. I had to be strong, but strong all on my own.
He showed me that it wasn't my weight to carry. His love is not passive and its never disengaged. it's always present. and I felt his presence their, it was there. in the girl's bathroom at a bank. and I felt the weight come off my shoulders. gone, just like that. He said, ever so clearly, "trust Me, lean on Me, I love you."
after about 5 minutes of trying to calm my breathing and clean myself up, I headed back to my desk and thanked Him. it's like I was alive again.

(I took this right after all my crying because I didn't want to forget what I had experienced.)

days went by and I got migraines on and off but I knew what I had to do. and that was fight. it was a spiritual fight within me what felt like every second of the day. every time I felt the pain coming, I demanded it to go as it was no longer welcome in my body. I did this for a few days and struggled on and off but felt like I was making progress.
*I knew what was happening, and it felt like a test, the kind of test that makes you stronger and that I had to learn to overcome. I had to take control of my mind and my body. God was there, he didn't leave me, but this was my time to act in faith. because what good is it all if I didn't really have the faith that He had healed me.

sunday morning came around and while in praise and worship, God began to speak to me. as they called leaders up to assist anyone that needed prayer, I hesitated. I knew I needed it, but I was afraid to step out for all to see. I am a leader of the church and it felt wrong to ask for help when I am supposed to be the one to help. I have a reputation of being a strong women, but after a few minutes, that didn't seem to matter. I let go of Brandon's hand and stepped out of my isle, I walked right up to our pastors wife whom I believe is such a strong person personally and spiritually, and has always been so kind to me. she prayed with me and I took hold of all the things she spoke over me.
Brandon has decided a few weeks back he was going to go on a week long fast again this year to pray for the things happening in our family. (mostly sickness) oh this man of God, he was all in. he was taking charge as the head of the household in an extreme manner. among other things, he was praying for my health. monday rolled around and as soon as my feet hit the floor, my head started to pulsate. immediately, I spoke it out of my body almost in an angry manner. "I am done with this, this will not be my life. I am healed in Jesus name as He is my savior and my deliverer." throughout the day I noticed my mood was great and my head had not hurt the way it used to. I occasionally felt pain start to creep in, but I didn't hesitate to pray deliverance, and it was gone.
here I am two weeks later, and haven't had a migraine since. not even one.
I feel so relieved, and happy. I feel rejuvenated. I can play with my kids and stay up late with my husband. thank you God for your precious blood that came to heal. and what more can I ask of my husband as he has done it all for me, besides taking care of me in such a rough time, bent his knees and prayed for my health. a true Kingdom Man.
I gave my health to Him who saves as it should have been from the start. I still believe in being a strong person, but I will no longer struggle as my God is greater.

I was very skeptical about putting this post up as I don't like to share times of sickness and I absolutely don't look for pity or worry from anyone. I actually hate when people do that on social media. but I promised myself I would always keep integrity on my blog and I want to be transparent when it comes pregnancy. I get asked by many people how I do it, and its not easy although it may look that way. I am human too, and I go through trials as well. and I hope if anyone is going through something similar, you find rest in Him as I did.

favorites

skylar | 1st year favorites

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

we're less than a month away from having a one year old. I know, what?
now that I am preparing for another baby soon, I found myself looking back a lot at the things that where essentials with Sky and preparing if I need more of something or different colors as well.
being a third time mom this year, there is no room for rookie mistakes, these are things I ACTUALLY needed and made life easier.
here are my essentials for skylar's first year of life.

T R A V E L
JuJuBe BeQuick // I have The Monarch style, plain jane. I decided I didn't want to carry a hug diaper bag everywhere, it compromises your look, ya know? so I opted for a small clutch this go that I could clip onto the car seat or stick in my purse. this one was perfect! I usually stick in a couple diapers, a wipe sliver pack and paci when she used it. perfect size!
Oh Joy! Diaper Bag // this is the one I use if we travel or go someplace we will be away from home for a while. I love the backpack style, size and colors. I'm glad I snatched this up while in the hospital bed after giving birth. it was out of stock for months.
4moms Breeze Playard // the greatest! so easy to set up and tear down. this is what she slept in in our room for the first few months, and now we take it every time we travel. it's a little heavy, but so worth it.
Urbini Omni Plus Travel System // I'm so pleased with this pick. I searched high and low for a good, affordable system. also, I wanted a very lightweight car seat and this is the #1 lightest car seat. *rookie mistake - finding the cutest car seat. *2nd time mom - lightweight! its everything!
Boba Carrier // nothing got done without this as a newborn.
Milk Snob Cover // my fav of this category. I have so many of these. for breastfeeding, as a car seat cover, as a shopping cart cover. you need one, I promise!



F E E D I N G
Comotomo // I really think that this bottle is the reason that we transitioned from breast to bottle so smoothly. the wide mound imitates the breast so well, it was a must!
OXO Tot Roll Up Bib // first of all, this is the only bib EVER that she cannot pull off. big deal! it does catch it all, Sky knows that and eats the lost pieces, all of them. we love it.
IKEA High Chair // great price, great quality, easy to clean, lightweight, what's not to like?
Bumbo // this was great to help Sky learn to sit and we still use it to keep her strapped in and happy. I love that is grows with baby, Noah still sits in this occasionally.
Re-Play Tableware // these are the only ones we have, because they have to match of course, BUT, they are the best! I promise. they don't break or crack, they don't fade, they don't stain, they are seamless so very easy to clean. the only tableware we will ever use.


T E E T H I N G
Amber Necklace // to this day, I don't know if its the necklace or she just didn't have trouble, but teething has been a breeze. if its the necklace, I will swear by it.
Natursutten Paci // the only paci she actually took at first. she only used it for a bit to actually self soothe, but she likes this to rub against her gums. so it has been better for teething to this day.
Munch Mitt // found this through Carmenthemodernmom and so glad I did. she didn't keep it on very well, but she really loved to bite and rub her gums on it. its still laying around the playroom.


N U R S E R Y
4moms Bouncer // lifesaver! as a newborn, this was the only way she would sleep. the vibration settings are so good, with much variety as well as the hammock-y feel that caudles a baby so well.
IKEA Hemnes Dresser // I was not budging! I wanted this dresser and nothing else. it's the perfect one. I want one for our bedroom now. totally worth the price and the assembly.
Crane Humidifier // from the style and look to the amount of "misties" that it produces. its a must! we have two in our household and will probably soon be purchasing a third.


M I S C
Lalaloopsy Doll // her favorite dollie. we used her as motivation for walking and it worked. and how cute is she? drool proof, tear proof and baby proof.
Joovy Spoon Walker // this one was great on tile and a little hard on carpet but glides so well and built very sturdy. the HUGE tray is also such a great feature. and its not an ugly one. love that.
Braun Forehead Thermometer // a must! its so super fast you only have to touch the forehead for about 5 secs. makes it so easy when you have a sick and fussy babe. we even use it on ourselves. it's a must!

I feel a step ahead this time since I already have so much great things.
round three should be much easier.

birthday

noah's 4th birthday

Friday, February 17, 2017

noah turned 4! and of all parties I've ever thrown, this was the one I put more effort into. we wanted to make it fun for HIM. we decided on an obstacle course this year and it was a hit. homemade cupcakes, kid sized skylines, lot of treats and tons of color! it was a blast.


happy birthday my love.

C R E D I T S
photography by my sister paola
invitations: DigartDesigns
cup cake toppers: Click Party
cup cake wrappers: Click Party
birthday banner: Click Party
water bottle labels: EniPexels
superhero signs: EniPexels
mashmellow flags: CatchMyParty
chalk sign: target
superhero signs tablecloth: target
cake stands: target
snack cups: Hobby Lobby
dinner plates: Hobby Lobby
dessert plates: Hobby Lobby
napkins: Hobby Lobby
capes & masks: Hobby Lobby
#4 balloon: eBay